Wednesday, March 25, 2009
『感激不盡』與『視而不見』
穷与富的转变
第一个问题,如果有两个犹太人掉进了一个大烟囱,其中一个身上满是烟灰,而另一个却很干净,那么他们谁会去洗澡?
"当然是那个身上脏的人!
"错!那个被弄脏的人看到身上干净的人,认为自己一定也是干净的,而干净的人看到脏人,认为自己可能和他一样脏,所以是干净的人要去洗澡。
第二个问题,他们后来又掉进了那个大烟囱,情况和上次一样,哪一个会去澡堂?
"这还用说吗,是那个干净的人!
"又错了!干净的人上一次洗澡时发现自己并不脏,而那个脏人则明白了干净的人为什么要去洗澡,所以这次脏人去了。
第三个问题,他们再一次掉进大烟囱,去洗澡的是哪一个?
"这次是那个脏人。不,是那个干净的人!
"你还是错了!你见过两个人一起掉进同一个烟囱,结果一个干净、一个脏的事情吗?
富人通达财路的智慧
黑压压的听众一时寂静,只有学者的声音在回响着:"这就是犹太商法,这就是《穷,也要站在富人堆里?!》的灵魂!穷是一种切肤没齿的感受,富是一种矜持倨傲的状态。穷人赞羡富人积累财富的结果,却忽略了富人通达财路的智慧。
穷到富的转变是大多数人憧憬的,但没有致富的思想和手段,只是聊以自慰的幻想。穷人不能只是慨叹命运不济。穷人只有站在富人堆里,汲取他们致富的思想,体会他们成功的状态
? 凡是人心所能想像,並且相信的,
終必能夠實現
知道人的一生為啥會那麼辛苦嗎?~~ 哈哈哈....有意思...
有一天,神創造了一頭牛。衪對牛說:「你要整天在田裡替農夫耕田,供應牛奶給人類飲用。你要工作直至日
落,而你只能吃草。我給你50年的壽命。」
牛抗議:「我這麼辛苦,還只能吃草,我只要20年壽命,餘下的還給你。」
神答應了。
第二天,神創造了猴子。
神跟猴子說:「你要娛樂人類,令他們歡笑你要表演翻觔斗,而你只能吃香蕉。我給
你20年的壽命。」
猴子抗議:「要引人發笑,表演雜技,還要翻觔斗,這麼辛苦,我活10年好了。」
神答應。
第三天,神創造了狗。
神對狗說:「你要站在門口吠。你吃主人吃剩的東西。我給你25年的壽命。」
狗抗議:「整天坐在門口吠,我要15年好了,餘下的還給你。」
神答應。
第四天,神創造了人。
神對人說:「你只需要睡覺,吃東西和玩耍,不用做任何事情,只需要盡情享受生
命,我給你20年的壽命。」
人抗議:「這麼好的生活只有20年」
神沒說話。
人對神說「這樣吧。牛還了30年給你,猴子還了10年,狗也還了10年,這些都給我好
了,那我就能活到70歲。」
神答應了。
這就是為甚麼我們的頭20年,只需吃飯、睡覺和玩耍。
之後的30年,我們像一條牛整天工作養家。
接著的10年,我們退休了,我們得像隻猴子表演雜耍來娛樂自己的孫兒。
最後的10年,整天留在家裡,像一條狗坐在門口旁邊看門…………
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Poem by African kid
nominated by UN as the best poem of 2006, Written by an African Kid
When I born, I black
When I grow up, I black
When I go in Sun, I black
When I scared, I black
When I sick, I black
And when I die, I still black
And you white fellow
When you born, you pink
When you grow up, you white
When you go in sun, you red
When you cold, you blue
When you scared, you yellow
When you sick, you green
And when you die, you gray
And you calling me coloured?
Marriage Passbook
Jocelyn married William this day. At the end of the wedding party, Jocelyn's mother gave her
a newly opened bank saving passbook with $1000 deposit amount.
Mother: 'Jocelyn, take this passbook. Keep it as a record of your marriage life. When there's
something happy and memorable happened in your new life, put some money in.
Write down what it's about next to the line. The more memorable the event is, the
more money you can put in. I've done the first one for you today. Do the others with
William. When you look back after years, you can know how much happiness you've
had.'
Jocelyn shared this with William when getting home. They both thought it was a great idea
and were anxious to know when the second deposit can be made. This was what they did
after certain time:
?? 7 Feb: $100, first birthday celebration for William after marriage
?? 1 Mar: $300, salary raise for Jocelyn
?? 20 Mar: $200, vacation trip to Bali
?? 15 Apr: $2000, Jocelyn got pregnant
?? 1 Jun: $1000, William got promoted . . . . ..... and so on.
However, after years, they started fighting and arguing for trivial things. They didn't talk much.
They regretted that they had married the nastiest people in the world.... no more love.
One day Jocelyn talked to her Mother:
'Mom, we can't stand it anymore. We agree to divorce. I can't imagine how I decided
to marry this guy!'
Mother: 'Sure, girl, that's no big deal. Just do whatever you want if you really can't stand it.
But before that, do one thing first. Remember the saving passbook I gave you on
your wedding day? Take out all money and spend it first. You shouldn't keep any
record of such a poor marriage.'
Jocelyn thought it was true. So she went to the bank, waiting at the queue and planning to
cancel the account. While she was waiting, she took a look at the passbook record. She
looked, and looked, and looked.
Then the memory of all the previous joy and happiness just came up her mind. Her eyes were
then filled with tears. She left and went home. When she was home, she handed the
passbook to William, asked him to spend the money before getting divorce.
The next day, William gave the passbook back to Jocelyn. She found a new deposit of $5000.
And a line next to the record:
'This is the day I notice how much I've loved you through out all these years. How
much happiness you've brought me!'
They hugged and cried, putting the passbook back to the safe. Do you know how much
money they have saved when they retired? I did not ask. I believed the money did not matter
any more after they had gone through all the good years in their life.
Romance Mathematics
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
______________________________
OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
_____________________________
SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.
A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.
_____________________________
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
_____________________________
HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
______________________________
LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
______________________________
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
_____________________________
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
_____________________________
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, 'You're next.' They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
不爽﹐生氣﹐抓狂﹐哭笑不得的分別
兒子問爸爸: 爸爸, 不爽﹐生氣﹐抓狂﹐哭笑不得的分別是甚麼意思﹖
爸爸﹕要解釋很難﹐不如讓我來示範。
首先﹐爸爸拿了一本電話簿﹐隨機選出一個人。然後打電話給那個人。順便把電話調到擴音器模式。
VICTIM﹕HELLO﹖
爸爸﹕HELLO﹐ 請問ABDULLAH BADAWI在家嗎﹖
VICTIM﹕你打錯電話啦﹗
爸﹕你不要騙我啦﹗
VICTIM﹕我騙你幹嘛﹗神經病﹗ (蓋了電話)
爸﹕哪﹐兒子﹐這個就是 "不爽"。現在來看甚麼是生氣。
(兒子點頭)
(過了5分鐘﹐爸爸再打一次電話給那個人)
VICTIM﹕HELLO﹖
爸﹕請問ABDULLAH BADAWI有在家嗎﹖
VICTIM﹕怎麼又是你﹖都跟你講了你打錯電話了﹗
爸﹕我沒打錯電話啊﹗
VICTIM﹕你這個神經病﹐你到底是誰﹖
爸﹕我是誰你還不懂﹖我是NAJIB啦﹗
VICTIM﹕%^&*$#@﹗你是NAJIB我還ANWAR咧﹗白痴﹗(大力蓋電話)
爸﹕哪﹐兒子。這個就是"生氣"。懂了嗎﹖
兒子﹕喔我懂了﹗
爸﹕現在來看下甚麼是抓狂﹗(又打電話給那個可憐的人)
那個人一拿起電話就咆哮了﹗
VICTIM﹕你這個吃飽沒事做的神經病﹗整天打電話來干擾我﹐要不是我的電話沒有CALLER ID我早就報警了你這個變態佬。。。。
爸﹕(刻意壓低聲音)ERM。。。。請問林先生在嗎。。。。﹖
VICTIM﹕啊﹗很對不起﹗剛剛有個變態一直打電話來。。。
爸﹕喔﹐沒關係﹐請問ABDULLAH BADAWI在家嗎﹖
VICTIM﹕ ^$&*^$*&#$%@$%*&^%(%&#@%@!%#﹗﹗﹗﹗﹗
這一次﹐爸爸蓋上了電話。
爸﹕你現在知道分別了吧﹗等下你媽媽要回來了﹐我們可以吃晚餐了﹗
兒子﹕可是爸爸﹐你還沒有講解甚麼是哭笑不得﹖
爸﹕喔﹐那個要等到晚上12點啦﹗
(晚上12點﹐爸爸搖醒兒子﹐然後又打電話給那個人)
VICTIM﹕HELLO。。。。。﹖(睡到一半被吵醒)
爸﹕我是ABDULLAH BADAWI﹐有誰打電話找我啊﹖
VICTIM﹕。。。。。。。。。。。。
爸爸好厲害啊﹗
癡呆測試
下列有4 個問題及一個加分題,你必須立刻回答,不能花時間慢慢想,讓我們看看你有多聰明。
Ready? GO!!! (scroll down)準備好,向下捲!
First Question: 第一題
You are participating in a race. You overtake the second place person. What position are you in?
你參加賽跑,追過第2 名,你是第幾名?
Answer: If you answered that you are first, then you are wrong! If you overtake the second place person, and you take their place, you are second!
解答: 如果你的回答是第 1名,你就錯了!你如果追過第 2名,你只是取代那人的位置,你是第2名。
To answer the second question, don't take as much time as you took for the first question. 回答第2題,你不能使用與回答第 1題相同的時間。
Second Question第二題 :
If you are in a race, and you overtake the last person, then you are?
你參加賽跑,你追過最後一名,你是第幾名?
Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST person?! You're not ha ving a good time at this! Are you?
解答:如果你的回答是倒數第2名,你又錯了!告訴我,你怎能追過最後一名?顯然你並未樂在其中!
Very tricky maths! Note: This must be done in your head only. Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.
很詭異的算術!這只能在腦中盤算。不要使用紙與筆或計算機,試試看。
Third Question: 第三題
Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30. Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000. now add 10. What is the total?
以1000 加上40,再加 1000 ,再加30,再加 1000,現在加上20,再加一次 1000,現在加上10,總數是什麼?
Answer: Did you get 5000? The correct answer is actually 4100. Don't believe it? Check with your calculator!
解答:得到 5000是嗎?正確答案是4100,不要相信,用計算機查證吧!
Today is definitely not your day. Maybe you will get the last question right?
今天對你鐵定諸事不宜,或許最後一題你會答對?
Fourth Question:第四題
Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono. What is the name of the fifth daughter?
Mary的父親有 5個女兒,第 1個女兒 Nana, 第 2個 女兒 Nene,第3個女兒 Nini, 第 4個女兒Nono,第 5個女兒的名字是什麼?
Answer: Nunu? NO! Of course not. &nb sp;Her name is Mary. Read the question again!
解答: 答案是 Nunu嗎?不!絕對不是,她的名字是 Mary,請再讀一次問題!
Okay, now the bonus round. You can partially redeem yourself with this one!!!!!
好,現在是加分題。這題可稍稍解救﹙彌補﹚你!
Bonus Question加分題 :
There is a mute person who wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing one's teeth h e successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done. Now if there is a blind man who wishes to buy a pair of sunglasses, how should he express himself?
一個啞巴想買牙刷,他模仿刷牙的動作,成功的向店主表達,也完成了購買。現在如果一個瞎子想買一副太陽眼鏡,他要如何表達?
Answer: He just has to open his mouth and ask. He's blind, not mute - so simple.
解答: 他只要張開嘴問即可。他是瞎子,不是啞巴。就這麼簡單!